Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
