Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
too bad you live with your parents still
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
