I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
