took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
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