dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
