i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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