The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
