remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Randomize
