I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
