Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
