you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
