who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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