sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize