It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Randomize