The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
