This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
