I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
