Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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