He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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