Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
