My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
