i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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