how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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