I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
