She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
two words: eviction party
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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