You can't special order awesome
why do cheetos always look like penises
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I FOUND THE LEGS
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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