Whatcha textin bout Willis?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
