tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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