Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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