So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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