I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
