At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
