I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
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