Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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