don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
