Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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