We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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