with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
