oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize