OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
