i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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