you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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