I cannot find my penis.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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