pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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