Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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