oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
