you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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