Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
