I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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