Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
