I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
