dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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