My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
