all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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