Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
