just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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