I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Duck Duck Cougar?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
