he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
