His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
