omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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