ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
