Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
