If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
