my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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