Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
