they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
you had me at cake vodka
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
