But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
