So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
