dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
