i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
