people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
