Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
