fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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