why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I have feelings that need drinking.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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