Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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