i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
