My nipple is on Facebook.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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