She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
