so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I need moral support for this bender
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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