rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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