i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
