I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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