even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
