I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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