Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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