you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
