Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
