Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
