The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
