the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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