my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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