it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize