he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
