Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
