she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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