Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize